<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>letters from a suicidal girl by ake_chae</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25443442">letters from a suicidal girl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ake_chae/pseuds/ake_chae'>ake_chae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IZONE (Band), K-pop</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:01:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25443442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ake_chae/pseuds/ake_chae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"it's not what you did, it's what you didn't"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Dear stranger....</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>minju hadn't seen her. well, she had had headphones in and was looking down at the ground. but still, she had been walking down the road minding her own business when suddenly she appeared out of nowhere. little did she know how much her life would change after that chance meeting.</p>
<p>it was a saturday morning and the weather was actually decent. minju had just finished buying some food from the local store and was now on her way to her and her friends apartment.</p>
<p>suddenly she walked into something. no, not something, someone. "woah," she said a bit taken back. she looked up to see a girl standing there. she looked about her age and was quite pretty.</p>
<p>"sorry," the girl said. "i wasn't paying attention to where i was going." she put her head down and kept walking.</p>
<p>minju stared after her, completely confused by what had just happened. she turned around to continue walking when she noticed something on the ground. it was a crumpled up piece of paper. the girl from earlier must have dropped it, minju thought. she turned back to look for her, but couldn't see her anywhere.</p>
<p>what do i do now? she realised that she probably looked like a fool standing in the middle of the street so she pocketed the paper and went on her way home. 'i'll look at it later.'</p>
<p>minju continued on her way home, the girl was still nagging in her thoughts.</p>
<p>"i'm here," minju shouted as loudly as she could walking into her apartment. she heard a groan from the couch and smirked.</p>
<p>"jesus minju, do you have to be so loud?" yujin complained. yujin and minju shared an apartment and went to collage together. they'd been best friends for years. yujin was currently lying on the couch.</p>
<p>"it's twelve o'clock yujin," minju said. "i don't understand why you'd fall asleep on the couch."</p>
<p>"well i was enjoying my rest until you screamed at me," yujin said. she stood up. her eyes lit up when she saw the bag minju was holding. "oh what did you buy."</p>
<p>"food, yujin," minju said rolling her eyes. "what else?"</p>
<p>yujin jumped up and sat on the counter. minju hit her. "what was that for?"</p>
<p>"get down and help me unpack," minju said. yujin got down after much complaining and the two girls made quick work of unpacking the food.</p>
<p>the two then sat on the couch to watch some tv. minju explained the event with the girl.</p>
<p>"wait," yujin said. "that's all she said?" minju nodded. the girl was still nagging at her mind. the girl looked so familiar but she couldn't place a finger on it. "what's on the paper she dropped?"</p>
<p>"oh yeah," minju said, reaching into her pocket. she pulled out the page and opened it.</p>
<p>"<em>dear stranger</em>," she began.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>you probably don't know me but i might know you, at the time of me writing this i still haven't decided who i'm giving it to. no one cares about me anyway. so i'll give my last letter to a random person.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>but guess what? i guess you're the one i chose. chances are you're never going to see me again. so you can just throw this letter out and pretend that this never happened. </em>
    <br/>
    <em>well i say you'll never see me again, but by that i mean in the flesh. i'm sure that you'll hear of me. maybe on the radio or the newspaper.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>anyway. to you i'm just a random face you pass in the street or, if you're one of a certain persons, someone that you pass in the halls at school without giving a second glance, because i'm the quiet girl that no one notices or cares about.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>more than likely we're never going to see each other again but if we do i have one thing to say; don't even try to help me, i'm too far gone to save.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>take what you want from this letter but i think it's obvious enough what it implies. it's up to you what you want to do after this.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>a random face in a sea of people</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>"wow," yujin said, once minju had finished reading the letter. "that's, hmm."</p>
<p>minju didn't know how to react. 'my last letter'? 'never see me in the flesh again but maybe on the radio'? 'too far gone to save'? was this.....</p>
<p>"yujin," minju said shakily. "i think this girl, whoever she is, is going to kill herself."</p>
<p>the two girls made eye contact. "i dunno," yujin said. "that's a big assumption from one letter."</p>
<p>"look at what she's saying yujin!" minju said. "'my last letter'? 'we'll hear about her on the radio'?"</p>
<p>"i suppose," yujin said. "but still. we don't even know who she is? we can't help her. just throw away the letter and pretend that none of this happened. she said something about that didn't she?"</p>
<p>minju didn't answer.</p>
<p>"look, for all we know it could just be a practical joke," yujin said. "or someone trying to mess with your head."</p>
<p>"yeah," minju said. all she could think about was the girls face. what could drive someone to want to kill themselves? "i'm just going to get changed or whatever."</p>
<p>she stood up and walked into her bedroom. there was no way she was going to throw out this letter. it was the only proof she had. she put the letter on her desk and sat on her bed.</p>
<p>'how will I find her?' she thought. she didn't know at the time, of course, but it was going to be a lot easier than she thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>dear best friend...</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>chaewon continued walking. she hadn't looked at the girls face. she had just decided to give it to a random person. she hoped that the girl didn't know her. from her reaction to her bumping into her though it seemed like she didn't.</p>
<p>'why would she know me?' chaewon thought. 'no one knows me and no one cares.'</p>
<p>she made her way to a cafe where she had asked one of her friends to meet her. well she wasn't just one of her friends. she was basically her only friend. i guess you could say she was her best friend.</p>
<p>she had texted her from one of her really old phones asking to meet at the cafe. she knew that her friend wouldn't have that number because she hadn't known she existed back then.</p>
<p>it was currently 11:57. she would be here in a few minutes. chaewon walked over to a table in the corner and placed the letter on it. she then walked to the counter.</p>
<p>"hiya chae," eunbi, the waitress, greeted. "the usual?"</p>
<p>"no I'm fine," chaewon replied. "if hyewon comes in here will you tell her to sit at that table?" she pointed at the table that she had placed the letter on. "also don't tell her that I was here or that I told you to tell her this."</p>
<p>eunbi seemed a bit confused at the request but she agreed anyway. "i'll see you soon," she said as chaewon was leaving.</p>
<p>"yeah," chaewon said. "sure." chaewon left the cafe. she stood at the corner with her hood up until she saw hyewon walk into the cafe. once she was inside she turned on her heel and walked.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>*****</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>hyewon walked into the cafe. "hey eunbi," she said. she looked around trying to spot anyone that she knew. someone had texted her to meet them here and she hadn't recognised the number.</p>
</div><p><br/>"oh hey hyewon," eunbi said with a smile. "someone came in and told me to tell you to sit at the table." she pointed to the table in the corner.</p>
<p>"oh okay, thanks," she said. "did you know who it was?"</p>
<p>eunbi hesitated, "no I don't know who it was."</p>
<p>"okay," hyewon said, feeling slightly suspicious. she didn't say anything further and sat at the table. she noticed that there was a piece of paper on it. she picked it up and unfolded it. it looked like a letter.</p>
<p>'<em>dear the only person who's ever cared for me.....'</em> It started.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>at the time of you reading this you won't know who i am. but when it happens you're going to feel stupid for not knowing sooner.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>you may be asking what this is or what this could be about or who it is for, but the thing is, it's for you. kang hyewon. caught you off guard there didn't i.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>thanks for always being here for me, but at the same time you weren't. and i'm sorry that i wasn't there for you back then when you were going through all this back then. but you see, back then i was just another face to you. nothing special, nothing important. not that i'm special or important now. i'm anything but that.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>you're one of the main reasons why this has taken me so long. but i've learned that this is the only way i can be happy. the drugs don't work, they just make things worse.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i don't really know why i've bothered to write these letters. i guess it's like one last thing for me to do before the end. like saying goodbye, except that you won't know that it's me until the end, and then i guess it's too late.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>but hey, it's not all that bad. at least you'll finally be free of me. don't pretend. i've heard you complaining about me. </em>
    <br/>
    <em>anyway that's all i have to say. we still have some time i guess. but i'm not turning back now. it's been too long.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p><em>someone that cares about you.... a lot</em>.</p>
</div><p><br/>hyewon felt a tear run down her cheek. she didn't understand why though. who was this person? she wiped her eyes before standing up. she shoved the letter in her pocket. 'i'll read it again when I get home', she thought. maybe she could try understand it better and find out who it was from.</p>
<p>she didn't bother saying goodbye to eunbi. she walked straight out of the cafe. she must know this person though. if they were talking about what she thought they were talking about it means they knew about her past. and that meant that either they were close, or someone had told other people about it. she shook off these thoughts and started to walk home.</p>
<p>the more she thought about it, the more confused and upset she got. she wanted to find out who this was, but at the same time what if she wasn't happy with the person. what if it was someone she cared about?</p>
<p>"stop thinking," she whispered as she reached his apartment. she had school on monday. maybe she could ask around to see if anyone else had gotten a letter. the person had written 'these' that must mean there was more than one. but just how many were there?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>dear first friend...</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>hitomi walked towards her locker. she had had a very uneventful weekend. for some reason multiple of her friends wouldn't reply to her messages.</p>
<p>'i'll ask them why today,' she thought walking towards her locker. she opened it and was surprised when a folded piece of paper fell out. 'honda hitomi' was written on one side. she bent down and picked it up.</p>
<p>"<em>dear person who probably can't even remember my name..."</em></p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>hey hii-chan, yes i'm calling you hii-chan. you probably don't remember but i was the one who gave you that nickname in the first place. of course you don't remember, you haven't spoken to me for years.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>you probably don't even realise that i'm still in the same school as you, you stopped talking to me as soon as you made all your new friends, completely abandoned me.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i don't hold it against you though, it's understandable why you left me, you always had so much more fun with the girls, sorry for being so boring.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>but hey, look at you now, my little hii-chan's all grown up. it saddens me to think that i won't be here to watch you grow up more, not that you'd even notice when i go. just stay happy hii-chan, be happy for me. be the bright happy child that you always were and hopefully still are.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>you were my first friend hitomi, even if you don't remember me, i'll always remember you, even in whatever comes after life. i don't really know what else to write, except that i'll miss you and i do miss you.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>from your first friend."</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>what is this? hitomi checked both sides of the page to see if there was anything else written. not even a name?</p>
<p>she felt something roll down her cheek. she lifted her hand to it and saw that it was a tear. 'why am I crying?' was this a joke? or was this person serious.</p>
<p>now that she thought about it, she genuinely couldn't remember the person that gave her her nickname, hii-chan. could really have been this person? she felt an uneasy feeling in her gut. was it her fault? the person who wrote this.... were they going to die? she shook her head.</p>
<p>"honda hitomi think straight," she said to herself. she was going to read through the letter again when she heard someone call her name. she turned around to see her friends walking towards her.</p>
<p>"oh hey unnie," she said shoving the paper in her pocket and doing her best to dry her eyes.</p>
<p>"hitomi, are you okay?" yujin said, seeing her damp eyes.</p>
<p>"what?" hitomi said. "oh yeah, i'm fine." she grabbed what she needed from her locker and shoved them in her bag just as the bell rung.</p>
<p>minju looked at hitomi confused. she had to stop her eyes from widening when she saw hitomi shove a piece of paper in her pocket. it looked awfully familiar.</p>
<p>minju checked her pocket quickly to make sure the letter was still there. it was. did hitomi get one aswell???</p>
<p>"minju," hitomi said catching minju's attention. "do you need to go to your locker?"</p>
<p>"aniyo," minju said. "i already had all my books from last week."</p>
<p>"okay," yujin said jumping on hitomi. "let's go then, we don't wanna be late for class."</p>
<p>minju nodded and they made their way to class. before walking through the door something caught her attention causing her to stop in his tracks. that hat.....</p>
<p>"min," yujij called from inside the classroom. minju turned to look at her.</p>
<p>"yeah sorry," she said. she looked back in the hall again but there was no sign of that hat. she walked into the classroom and took her seat. had it really been the girl? maybe someone else just had the same hat. still..... even all the badges had been the same.</p>
<p>minju decided to try find that person with the hat later to see if it was the girl from the other day. but what if it was? what would she do then?</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>~</b>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>the bell went signalling the end of the school day. minju stood and made her way to her locker. she hadn't been able to find the person with the hat. she decided he'd try again tomorrow and if she still couldn't find them then.... well maybe she'd just have to give up.</p>
<p>minju opened her locker and almost shouted in surprise as something fell to the floor. it was a folded paper, looking very similar to the one she'd seen hitomi with earlier that day and the one the girl had dropped. the only difference was that it had her name written in bold writing on one side.</p>
<p>KIM MINJU</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>dear bully...</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>yujin was walking home. she reached her apartment and opened the door. she was hoping that minju would be here so she called her name.</p>
<p>no answer.</p>
<p>she'd seen minju leave the school in a rush, she hadn't looked well. yujin was starting to worry about her.</p>
<p>yujin sighed and flung her bag by her desk. she had so much homework to do. might as well start it.</p>
<p>she reached into het bag and grabbed some books from it. as she pulled out her chemistry book a piece of paper fluttered to the ground. she bent down and picked it up.</p>
<p>her heart almost stopped in her chest when she recognised the handwriting.</p>
<p>"fuck," she said. "is this really...? nah it couldn't be right?" she shook her head and placed the letter on the far side of her desk and tried to work on her homework.</p>
<p>five minutes later her chemistry book was on the ground and the letter was open directly in front of her.</p>
<p>"<em>dear past worst nightmare.. "</em> it started.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>because of you i used to hate coming into school a lot more than i would have normally. i doubt you remember but you used to pick on me everyday because i was 'the girl no one wanted' 'the orphan'.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>but you stopped a couple of months ago and then i became my own worst nightmare. you brought out the worst in me... one of the reasons why i'm where i am today. but i can't give you all the blame, you weren't the only one who bullied me, you were just the worst one.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i didn't really try to help myself either. i never told you to stop or leave me alone... I guess i was too afraid. your jeering and sneers hurt me more than anything else... especially when you got </em>
    <em>her</em>
    <em> involved</em>
    <br/>
    <em>it's hard to believe that most of my bad thoughts came from a small group of girls, all of which you know. of course it's not all your faults, i made things worse for myself.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>in the end everything comes back to me. my fault i'm easy to pick on, my fault that i hide in the shadows, my fault that i've fallen so far... might as well make sure that the end for me is my fault as well.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>this letter isn't to make you feel bad about yourself, it's not your fault i'm doing this, it's my decision, it's not like i'm going to make a difference in this lifetime anyway. </em>
    <br/>
    <em>i'll see you around... for a few days at least anyway... and then you'll see me.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>from someone who doesn't blame you for what's going to happen.</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>"what the actual fuck," yujin said dropping the letter. "what shit is this?" okay so yes, she was a bully, but she never went for the same person for more than two or three weeks.</p>
<p>according to whoever this person was 'it isn't his fault' but what was she supposed to make of this letter? was it really the same person that minju had gotten a letter from?</p>
<p>yujin never targeted people that were weak with her bullying... she never did it to cause them harm, only to make fun. had there really...</p>
<p>yes, there was one person. one person that she'd tormented properly. a girl... yujin couldn't remember her name or her face but she knew that she had been horrible to her. that was during the time where her parents had split up... how was she supposed to know that this girl was depressed?</p>
<p>and who was 'her'?</p>
<p>"what do I do?" yujin whispered, clutching her hair in her hands. she needed to talk to minju, show her her letter, maybe they could find a clue if they put their two letters together.</p>
<p>her train of thoughts was disrupted by her phone buzzing.</p>
<p><b>hii-chan</b>:<br/>yujin</p>
<p><b>hii-chan</b>:<br/>i don't know what to do</p>
<p><b>hii-chan</b>:<br/>i got this letter and and</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p><b>you</b>:<br/>you got one too?</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p><b>you</b>:<br/>meet me at me and minju's apartment </p>
</div><p><br/>yujin sighed and leant back in her chair. she was so deep in thought that she didn't notice the time going by. there was a loud knock at the door disturbing her from her thoughts.</p>
<p>yujin stood up and opened the door. she was surprised at who stood in front of her.</p>
<p>a shaken looking hitomi, a distressed hyewon and...</p>
<p>"yena?" yujin said in disbelief.</p>
<p>all three of the girls were holding pieces of paper practically identical to hers.</p>
<p>"we all got letters," yena said shakily. her skin was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes, lack of sleep.</p>
<p>"yena thinks he might know who it is," hitomi said. they all looked at yena expectantly.</p>
<p>"i think i do know who it is," she said slowly, she looked an absolute wreck. "the only thing is, gosh i didn't even think she was in our school."</p>
<p>"yena, what are you trying to say?" yujin said biting her lip.</p>
<p>"i don't think there's anything we can do to help her," she said, choking on her words. they could all see the tears in her eyes. "and it's all my fault."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>dear older sister....</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>sakura arrived at the graveyard. it was the day before her girlfriend's fourth year anniversary. she knew that she should probably call her her 'ex-girlfriend', considering she was dead, but she hadn't loved someone the same way since.</p>
<p>"i can't believe it's already been four years chae," sakura said, standing in front of the grave. she wiped away the tear that was threatening to fall from her eye.</p>
<p>she stood there in silence for a while until something caught her attention, a piece of paper underneath a pot of flowers. forget-me-nots. curious, she picked it up.</p>
<p>"<em>dear the only person who ever seemed like real family,"</em> she read.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>hi chae. yes i know you're dead and you can't read this chaeyeon but it only felt right to write you a letter aswell. i already know that kkura will probably be the one to find this.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i still remember the horrible day the accident happened, four years ago tomorrow. mr. jung asked me to go to go to the store to get groceries but i was weak and sick because of 'you know who', i hadnt eaten properly in weeks. you offered to go to the store instead, saying that you'd get medicine for me aswell.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>not too long after you left i passed out. i woke up later that day in hospital to the news that you'd been killed in an attempted robbery at the store. </em>
    <br/>
    <em>she</em>
    <em> chose that day to break up with me aswell... i wish it had been me who had gone to the store that day. people cared about you and still do... it wouldn't have mattered if it was me.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i'll be joining you soon enough anyway chae. i've everything sorted and said my goodbyes. a couple more days and i'll be free of this life. i'll see you on the other side 'older sister'.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>from your 'little sister'.</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>sakura stared in shock at the letter in her hand. who would leave something like this at a grave? she reread the letter and it struck him. 'older sister', 'younger sister'. there was a girl at the orphanage that chaeyeon had always treated like her sister.</p>
<p>"chaewon," the name came out of his mouth before she could stop herself. she'd lost contact with her after chaeyeon had died, she hadn't realised she was sick.</p>
<p>"i have to find her," she said aloud. before she could go anywhere though, she noticed a piece of paper lodged under the headstone. she picked it up and looked at it.</p>
<p>it had her name on it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>dear old friend...</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>sakura stared in shock at the second letter in front of her. was this from chaewon aswell? the paper and writing style was the same.</p>
<p>she had mentioned sakura in her letter to chaeyeon, does that mean she hadn't forgotten her like sakura had forgotten her.</p>
<p>"should i open it now or wait until later?" sakura asked herself.</p>
<p>she decided to open it now and then message hitomi after she had read it. sakura had heard hitomi mention something about a letter earlier that day. was it possible that she had gotten one aswell? but how did she know chaewon?</p>
<p>sakura opened the letter hesitantly.</p>
<p>
  <em>"dear someone who left me when i needed someone the most..."</em>
</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>hey sakura, its me again. well by 'again' im assuming that you read chae's letter already. if you haven't then i guess its just hey.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i've missed you. i miss the good old days. back when you, chae, eunbi and i used to hang out and stay up past chae and i's curfew. i miss when we were all friends.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i see you every now and then. i'm glad that you still talk to eunbi sometimes in the café, i was worried that i was the only one that still talked to her and she'd be alone when i left. now i know that you'll still be here for her thats one less reason to stay.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i don't know if you realise that we still go to the same school. i used to wave at you everyday for the first few weeks but you never noticed.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>anyway, i know that reading this and chae's letter you're going to feel bad, regret leaving me. but i'm not angry at you or annoyed that you left. you had every right to. i know how much you loved chae and i can't even begin to describe how much she loved you.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>this isn't a letter to make you feel guilty, if anything its more of an apology. i didn't try hard to talk to you or comfort you after the accident even though i know that you would've been affected just as bad as me.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>so this is goodbye kkura. please don't try to stop me. instead make yourself happy. i know that you can't move on from chaeyeon but try to be happier, please, for me.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>from, someone who should've been there for you when you needed someone the most.</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>sakura felt something wet run down hiler cheek. she lifted her hand up and wiped it. a tear.</p>
<p>she couldn't believe how foolish she had been. all this time she could've found her. maybe if she'd found her, been there for her, she wouldn't have to be reading this letter.</p>
<p>'she'll be at the anniversary mass tomorrow' sakura thought. she decided that she'd approach and.... and what? what was she supposed to say to the girl she hadn't seen in four years, who she'd completely ignored? would she even be able to recognise her?</p>
<p>sakura tried to clear her head and pulled out her phone.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p><b>hii-chan</b>🐰</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>
      <em>you:</em>
    </b>
    <br/>
    <em>hey hii-chan? did you mention something about a letter today? well if you did... i found two</em>
  </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p><em>dear</em> <em>ex-girlfriend</em>...</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>"i don't think there's anything we can do to help her," she said, choking on her words. they could all see the tears in her eyes. "and it's all my fault."</p>
<p>if only she knew that there was more to it than what choi yena had done to kim chaewon.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>~</b>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>*earlier that day*</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>"i have to go now~"</p>
<p>yena frowned as her girlfriend, yuri, stood up from the couch. "do you have to?" she pouted.</p>
<p>yuri giggled and kissed yena's cheek. "yes," she said. "i have homework to do. i'll see you tomorrow."</p>
<p>yena watched yuri walk into the hall. she heard yuri pause at the door. "babe," yuri called. "theres something here addressed to you. i'll leave it by the door."</p>
<p>when yena heard the door close she stood up and looked for the thing she had been talking about. sure enough there was a piece of paper with her name written on it. a letter?</p>
<p>she went back into the main room of her apartment and sat on the couch.</p>
<p>curious, she opened the letter and began to read.</p>
<p>
  <em>"dear someone who's changed a lot since back then..."</em>
</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>hey nana. remember when you used to let me call you that when we weren't around your friends? you were a sweet girlfriend at the start, then one day you just changed. was it because of those people you called your friends? at least you're not friends with them anymore.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>to be honest i won't be surprised if you don't remember who i am. i'm assuming that was a dark chapter of your life, when you weren't the happy, friendly, kind girl you are now. you're trying to make up for everything you did back in highschool.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>in front of your friends you always made fun of me, calling me fat and ugly. did you know that i starved myself? tried to make myself thinner and prettier hoping that you'd love me again the way you did at the start.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>then chae's accident happened. i didn't know that you knew her and you didn't know that i knew her. i was sick that day, because i had been starving myself for you. chae went to the shop instead of me, i'm the one who should have gone and died, but i couldn't because i was weak and sick.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>later that day i woke up in hospital hearing the news about chae and a text message from you, 'lets break up'. that was the day this all started. i moved school, if you remember. i can't believe we ended up at the same college, i doubt you even know i'm here.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>as much as i want to forgive you for what you did i haven't been able to. i can't get the confidence to just walk up to you and say those three words. i see how much you've changed since then. how hard you're trying to be a better person.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i can't leave this world peacefully without doing this so heres my final five words to you.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i forgive you choi yena.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>from someone who wishes they knew the new you.</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>yena stared blankly at the page in front of her that she had just read.</p>
<p>she felt a pain in her heart. the one thing that she'd never been able to forgive herself for but yet here she was saying she forgave her.</p>
<p>she hadn't even realised how serious what she had done was. she didn't know the consequences of her actions would be this extreme.</p>
<p>"chaewon," she whispered. "are you really gonna do this?"</p>
<p>just then yena's phone buzzed. she pulled it out to see a message from hitomi.</p>
<p>as soon as she read it she stood up and got ready to leave.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p><b>hii-chan</b> 🐰</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>
      <em>you:</em>
    </b>
    <br/>
    <em>i'll meet you at yujin's apartment.</em>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>dear.... crush?</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>minju's hands trembled as she held the letter in her hands. </p>
</div><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>why.</p>
</div><p><br/>why did she have to recieve two letters? one was bad enough.</p><p>she grabbed whatever she needed from her locker and slammed it shut. she walked quickly from the school.</p><p>she didn't turn around, not even when she heard yujin call her name. she kept walking until she reached a park close to the school. she sat down on a bench and put her bag on the ground.</p><p>she sat there for about half an hour debating whether or not to open the letter or not.</p><p>eventually she opened it. she didn't expect what she read.</p><p>
  <em>"dear someone thats different from others..."</em>
</p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>hi minju! you don't know me by name, you might not even know me by appearance. we've only spoken once or twice. i remember in one of my first weeks i was walking down the hall when i tripped and my books went everywhere.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i still can't get over how cliche it was but you helped me back up and picked up my books. when you smiled at me i swear my heart skipped a beat. you introduced yourself but i never got the chance to tell you my name.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i sat behind you in science for most of the year and some of this year until you did the thing that 'crushed my crush' on you. i honestly never thought that you would join in with her.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>you didn't do much, just laughed and threw a comment or two. i was really upset at the time, probably because i didn't think that you would be that kind of person. of course i know that you're not, i know that yujin isn't like that normally either.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i learned that she was having a rough time and i guess i just got unlucky that she chose to take it out on me. i don't know if there was something happening with you that day aswell or not but i know that that's not the type of person you are. you're kind, just like that day with my books.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i don't know why i'm writing a letter to you because you haven't done anything wrong to me, my stupid heart just caught feelings for someone who probably doesn't even know i exist.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i guess i just want to apologise, for not being honest about my feelings to you. i know you probably would have rejected me anyway but maybe then i wouldn't have had my false hope anymore.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>one last thing before i end this letter. hyewon will probably be upset for a while when i leave. please be there for her because i can't. i know you're close friends with her, but she's my best friend and i want her to forget about me quickly.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>i trust you kim minju, don't save me, save your friends.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>from someone who has faith that you'll do the right thing.</em>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>minju sat where she was. she didn't know how long she sat there but at some point it started raining.</p><p>she blinked a couple of times before staring at the page, determined. she was soaked to the bone but she didn't feel it.</p><p>"i'm going to save you," she said to hetself. "that way hyewon unnie won't have to forget you."</p><p>some things aren't as easily done as it is to say them. in a few chapters minju will have to make a choice, a choice that could be the difference between life or death.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>why am i doing this to myself?</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p> </p>
<p>chaewon was making her way to the café where she was supposed to meet hyewon.</p>
<p>out of nowhere it started to lash rain. "shit," she exclaimed pulling up her hood. of course being her stupid self she had forgotten her hat.</p>
<p>she started to speed up her pace a bit and eventually started jogging.</p>
<p>she passed the park that was near both her apartment and the school and something caught her attention.</p>
<p>there was a girl sitting on a bench in the rain. she hesitated for a moment. the girl had nothing protecting her from the rain. the café was only a few metres from here and who knew where that girl had to go.</p>
<p>sighing chaewon decided to be a good person. she walked closer to her shrugging off her jacket.</p>
<p>"here," she said, not making eye contact with the girl. she put the jacket on the girl. she looked up at her and frowned.</p>
<p>"kim chaewon?" she said. chaewon could've sworn her heart stopped when she heard that voice. she finally looked at the girls face and saw none other than kim minju.</p>
<p>"y-you know who i am?" chaewon managed to stutter.</p>
<p>"of course i do," minju said. "we were in the same class for most of last year." chaewon was a bit taken back that she remembered. and were her eyes deceiving her or had her face gone slightly pink? she cancelled her thoughts. stop imagining things.</p>
<p>"anyway thank you," she said, holding the jacket. "but don't you need it?"</p>
<p>"n-no," chaewon shook her head. "i'm just going to the café over there. i'm sure you need it more than i do."</p>
<p>minju nodded slightly. "oh well thank you again," she started to put the jacket on. chaewon gave her a faint smile and turned to leave. "i'll see you around chaewon."</p>
<p>"yeah sure," chaewon mumbled as she jogged towards the café.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p><em>i hurt her but she forgave me</em>...</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>"what do you mean?" yujin asked yena. they were all sitting on the couch now.</p>
<p>"i-" yena started only to be interrupted by hyewon.</p>
<p>"shit," she exclaimed causing everyone to look at her with puzzled expressions. she was looking at her phone. "i'm really sorry guys but i have to go. i was supposed to meet my friend half an hour ago."</p>
<p>"okay," yujin said. "you're going to the anniversary mass tomorrow right?"</p>
<p>"yeah," hyewon said. "i'll see you guys then." she hurriedly stood up and left the apartment.</p>
<p>"what were you saying yena," hitomi said once the door had closed.</p>
<p>"i," yena started. "you guys know that i used to go to highschool in this town right?"</p>
<p>hitomi and yujin nodded.</p>
<p>"well," yena continued. "i mixed in with a bad crowd back then. i did horrible things back then. i don't know if you'll believe me or not, i know i've changed a lot since back then but thats why i changed. i really was a horrible person for two years and ever since then i've been trying to change."</p>
<p>"really unnie?" hitomi asked. "in what way?"</p>
<p>"there was a girl," yena said. "i never really loved her but i dated her anyway. i was horrible to her, much more horrible than i thought i was."</p>
<p>"that is the girl who is writing these letters," yena said. "i don't know how she knows the rest of you or what she put in your letters but they don't matter because i'm the one to blame for what she's going to do. if only i'd known that she came back here. i could've apologised. could've tried to talk to her. i-" there were tears running down yena's face.</p>
<p>"unnie calm down," yujin said. "its not all your fault, she said she was doing this by choice and that she didn't blame anyone else."</p>
<p>yena shook her head. "the day chaeyeon died," she said. "i broke up with her."</p>
<p>"and?" yujin asked.</p>
<p>"she's the girl that chaeyeon called her sister," yena said. "from the orphanage she was in. i didn't know until i got my letter today. we all know how often chaeyeon talked about her. if she cared about her that much imagine how much she cared about her. and i hurt her even more than she already was hurt that day."</p>
<p>the three girls sat there in silence until it was interrupted by hitomi's phone buzzing.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>
      <b>kkura unnie</b>
    </em>
    <br/>
    <em>hey hii-chan? did you mention something about a letter today? well if you did... i found two</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>hitomi looked up from her phone. "kkura unnie found two letters," she said. yena and yujin looked at her in surprise.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>
      <b>you</b>
    </em>
    <br/>
    <em>where did you find them? we're all at yujin's apartment.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>
      <b>kkura </b>
    </em>
    <em>
      <b>unnie</b>
    </em>
    <br/>
    <em>chaeyeon's grave</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>
      <b>kkura unnie</b>
    </em>
    <br/>
    <em>i can't come over but i'll see you at the anniversary mass tomorrow.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"she found them at chaeyeon's grave," hitomi repeated.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"then its definitely her," yena said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"unnie," yujin said. "who is she?"</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"her name is chaewon. kim chaewon i think," yena said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>the sound of hitomi's phone could be heard hitting the ground as yujin's apartment door opened. hitomi stared blankly at the space in front of him and yujin stood up.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"minju you're drenched," yujin said. "where were you?"</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"kim chaewon?" hitomi whispered. "wait kim? when did she get a surname?"</p>
</div><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>i can't believe i forgot...</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>
the memories flashed through hitomi's mind. how? how could she forget something as important as her best friend from when she was younger. she could remembered everything now.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>•</b>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>
it was a rainy day and little hitomi sat inside her house. suddenly there was a knock at the door. she ran to the door just as her mother opened it. there was a woman there, their neighbour, and she had a little girl with her.</p><p>"go talk to hitomi, chaewon!" the woman said, pushing chaewon inside.</p><p>hitomi's mother smiled at the girl. "yes, she's right here," she said. "come in."</p><p>hitomi's mother told her to bring chaewon into the living room.</p><p>hitomi was confused at first but did as she was told.</p><p>after a few minutes of silence hitomi finally spoke up. "hi i'm honda hitomi!" she said happily. "whats your name?"</p><p>"i'm chaewon," chaewon said quietly.</p><p>"just chaewon? isn't your surname jung?" hitomi asked. "i thought you were mrs. jung's daughter?"</p><p>"i'm adopted," chaewon said. she noticed hitomi's confused expression. "it means my real parents gave me up and the jung's aren't my real family. and i don't know who my real family are so i don't have a surname."</p><p>"oh," hitomi said. "where are your real parents then?"</p><p>chaewon's bottom lip quivered and tears came to her eyes. "i don't know," she stuttered, on the verge of crying.</p><p>"ah!" hitomi exclaimed. "i'm sorry please don't cry. um here lets play something!"</p><p>"oh okay," chaewon sniffled, wiping her eyes.</p><p>"chaewon?" chaewon nodded at him to continue. "can i call you wonie?"</p><p>"sure!" chaewon giggled. "i'm gonna call you hii-chan then!"</p><p>"yay!" hii-chan said. "lets be best friends forever!"</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>-</b>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>
over a year passed and hitomi and chaewin remained best friends. they played together everyday, their favourite place to play was the playground near where they lived.</p><p>one day chaewon was late to the playground. hitomi was starting to worry but she decided to wait for her.</p><p>after about fifteen minutes of waiting she arrived. hitomi jumped down from her swing in surprise when she saw the tears in chaewon's eyes.</p><p>"wonie whats wrong?" she asked walking towards her.</p><p>"hii-chan, mr. jung has been arrested," she sniffled. "i couldn't understand what they were saying but he did a bad thing. i have to go back to the orphanage."</p><p>"what?" hitomi couldn't believe what she was saying.</p><p>"i'm going back to the orphanage today," she was crying now. "i'm sorry. i don't know if we'll be able to see each other again."</p><p>"but the orphanage isn't far from here!" hitomi said. "i can get mum to bring me for visits!"</p><p>chaewon's face lit up and her sobs started to settle. "really?" she said. "you promise?"</p><p>"i promise!" hitomi said, hooking pinkys with her.</p><p>"i have to go back and pack now," chaewon said sadly. "but i want to give you something before i go." she handed her a leather and bead bracelet. "mrs. jung helped me make it."</p><p>hitomi smiled at the bracelet and hugged chaewon. "i'll come visit!" she said. she watched as chaewon ran back in the direction of their housing estate.</p><p>hitomi had broken that promise. after chaewon had gone back to the orphanage hitomi had cried a lot and refused to play with any of the other kids. until one day a new kid moved into the estate and hitomi completely forgot about chaewon.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>•</b>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>
hitomi stared at the bracelet on her wrist. all these years, even though she had forgotten its meaning, she still hadn't taken off the bracelet.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>i forgave you so why can't you just</em>
    <br/>
    <em>forget me....</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>minju didn't feel the wet and rain as she walked back to her apartment. she had the letter crumpled in a ball in her fist and the first letter was still in her pocket.</p>
<p>minju was surprised to hear voices when she opened the apartment door. she walked in and was even more surprised to see three girls sitting on the couch.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"minju you're drenched," yujin said. "where were you?"</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"the p-p-park," minju stuttered, the cold finally hitting her. she felt someone wrap a towel around her shoulders and turned to see yena.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"why were at the park in this weather?" yujin asked. "and this late?"</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"i got another letter," minju said sitting down. "and this time it was addressed to me."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>hitomi, yujin and yena exchanged looks. "we all got letters," hitomi said. "so did hyewon and sakura... and maybe chaeyeon aswell."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>minju gave hitomi a look. "how could chaeyeon have gotten a letter if she's dead," minju said bitterly.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"well sakura said someone left a letter on chaeyeon's grave," yujin said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"have you any idea who it is?" minju asked. "its obvious that whoever this is knows all of us. they asked me to help hyewon forget them after..." minju couldn't finish her sentence.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"hyewon unnie?" hitomi said. "she seems more confused than any of us about who this person is."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"i know exactly who it is," yena said. "and although the others won't believe me, it is my fault. even she said she forgives me but i don't see how she can."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"yena slow down," minju said. "first tell me her name. who is she?"</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"her name is kim chaewon," yena said. "she's in our year, in our school. i don't know how i never knew she was back in town."</p>
</div><p><br/>minju froze. should she tell them that she had just seen her? but what would be the point in that? there's no way she was still at the park, they wouldn't have been able to find her even if minju told them that she had seen her. instead she decided to ask a question that was bugging her.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"what do you mean back in town?" minju asked.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"she's from the orphanage," hitomi spoke up. everyone looked up at her in surprise. "i remember her now. she was my friend when we were children. she's the one who gave me the nickname hiichan."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"right," yena said. "she's from the orphanage. i was in high school with her but after chaeyeon died she got adopted by a family in another town. i never knew she moved back here."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>hitomi interrupted yena by standing up. "guys look at the snap that hyewon just sent me," she said showing them her phone. the snap was a picture of hyewon with a girl who looked familiar to all of the girls.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"is that her?" yujin asked.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"i think so," hitomi said. </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"ask hyewon her name and how she knows her," minju said. "maybe then we'll be able to figure out what to do."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>hitomi replied to hyewon and they waited patiently for her reply.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"her? kim chaewon. she's my best friend. we met the summer before you guys started first year and i started second year. i've told you all about her before. why?" hyewon's reply read.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"no reason," hitomi sent before sitting back on the couch.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"its defiantly her then," minju said. "if she's hyewon's best friend and she wants her to forget her than it has to be her."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"should we tell unnie?" yujin asked.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>yujin shook her head. "i don't think we should," she said. "who knows what she'd do."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"but maybe he can try help her," minju said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"no," yena said. "we all know how emotional hyewon is. plus, we're the ones who wronged her-" she paused to look at minju as if to say that she hadn't done anything. "-its better for us to try convince her."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"okay," hitomi said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"guys its getting late," yujin said. "you all should head back to your own apartments. we'll see you at chaeyeon's aniversary tomorrow."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"right," yena said. "see you then."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>they didn't know that the person they were looking for would be under their noses the next day. too bad they wouldn't realise until it was too late.</p>
</div><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>things aren't always as bad as they</em>
    <br/>
    <em>seem, sometimes they're worse...</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>the next day dozens of people crammed into the town cemetery for the fourth year anniversary mass of a young girl who had died long before her time.</p>
<p>chaewon stood at the back of the crowd with her head down. she saw a group of five girls at the front of the crowd. hitomi, yujin, minju, yena and hyewon. chaeyeon's friends. some of them had been hers once upon a time aswell.</p>
<p>she watched minju turn in her direction and put her head down as quickly as possible, hoping that she wouldn't see her. after a couple of minutes she looked back up to see her talking to yujin, she hadn't seen her.</p>
<p>where was kkura? chaewon couldn't help but think as he looked at the group of girls again. suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder causing her to jump.</p>
<p>"don't do this chaewon please," a voice said. "i'm sorry."</p>
<p>chaewon didn't have to turn around to see who it was, she recognised her voice. a lump formed in her throat. "i'm the one who's sorry sakura," she managed to say. she could feel her eyes burning. "don't be sad. this is the only way i can be happy."</p>
<p>sakura was about to say something when a voice spoke saying that the mass was about to start. "stay back after the mass," sakura said. "i want to talk to you."</p>
<p>chaewon didn't answer as sakura walked to the front of the crowd. chaewon could feel the tears starting to slide down her cheeks as the mass begun. she missed her 'sister'. the one who always made her smile and stood up for her when the other kids and people made fun of her or picked on her. she missed chae and kkura acting like parents to her even though she was only around a year younger than them. she missed everything that she could never have again because you can't bring back the dead. you can join them though.</p>
<p>just before the mass ended chaewon walked away from the cemetery. she needed to clear her head and dry her tears. she ended up walking towards the orphanage.</p>
<p>it had closed down the year chaewon had moved back to the town. they didn't have enough funding to keep it going so all the orphans that weren't old enough to support themselves had to move town.</p>
<p>chaewon made her way around to the back of the orphanage. there was a window that had been left open. chaewon came here every now and then when she wanted to be alone.</p>
<p>because of her small build she easily climbed through the window and made her way into the building. she walked slowly through the building letting the memories overwhelm her. she stopped when she reached her old bedroom.</p>
<p>she sat on the floor and stared at the now empty room. 'maybe i should do it here?' the thought entered her mind before she could stop herself. she shook her head and stood back up again. she was going to do it tomorrow. where and when and how she wasn't sure yet but it was best to just do it on the spot.</p>
<p>suddenly chaewon's phone buzzed and she sighed when she saw what the number was.</p>
<p>
  <em>"bitch you're still alive? hurry up and just end it already."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"i'm doing it tomorrow. are you happy now? because i am."</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>a simple choice can have big</em>
    <br/>
    <em>consequences....</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>"minju," minju was surprised by hyewon running into the café. her face was pale and her eyes were red and raw.</p>
<p>"hyewon whats wrong?" minju asked. it was the day after the mass and she was in the local café trying to think of ways to find the girl.</p>
<p>hyewon handed minju her phone.</p>
<p>
  <em>"hey hyewon. sorry i didn't tell you sooner, well technically i did, you just didn't know it was me. i'm leaving today, for good. i told you i'd decided to do something to make me happy and i'm doing it today. don't be sad please, just forget about me. also thanks for sticking with me these last two years. chaewon."</em>
</p>
<p>"its chaewon," hyewon said. "she's the one with the letters. i should have known sooner, now its too late."</p>
<p>minju stared in shock at the message in front of her. she decided it was best not to mention the fact that they knew it was her already. "it might not be too late," minju said. "we might be able to find her before she does anything."</p>
<p>"hyewon what's wrong?" a voice said. the two girls turned around to see eunbi.</p>
<p>"um yeah," hyewon coughed. "you didn't happen to see chaewon today?"</p>
<p>"yeah," eunbi said. "she stopped by earlier to say that she was leaving and say goodbye. she had some.... questionable items in her bag though."</p>
<p>"what do you mean?" hyewon asked.</p>
<p>"well," eunbi said. "she had a bunch of medication in it. i asked her about it and she said that she was sick and that they didn't sell her medication in her new town. its an understandable enough thing but... i dunno, it just seems a bit strange."</p>
<p>"eunbi do you have any idea where else she might go?" minju asked. "before she moves i mean. like any place or person thats special to her?"</p>
<p>"um the orphanage maybe?" eunbi said. "she doesn't really have a lot of friends but the orphanage is somewhere with a lot of memories for her."</p>
<p>"okay thanks," minju said. the two girls walked out of the café quickly. "is there anywhere else you think she might go?"</p>
<p>"the cliff maybe," hyewon said, new tears spilling down her face. "i don't know why she'd need medication if she was going to do it at the cliff though."</p>
<p>"okay," minju said. "hyewon. you go tell the others whats happening. you know that they all have letters aswell. they need to know whats happening."</p>
<p>"no i should go look for her," hyewon tried to argue back.</p>
<p>"unnie no," minju said. "look at the state you're in! i'll go look."</p>
<p>"if you find her," hyewon said squeezing her eyes closed tightly. "tell me, no matter what state she's in."</p>
<p>minju nodded and hyewon started running in the direction of the apartments.</p>
<p>minju stood in the same spot. the realisation of just how serious this was hitting her. she didn't know when chaewon was going to do it or if she'd done it already. she wouldn't have enough time to check both the orphanage and the cliff. where should she go?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>minju arrived at the cliff, out of breath. she now seriously regretted avoiding physical education classes for so long.</p>
<p>while bent over trying to catch her breath she heard a voice coming in the direction that she was. she quickly hid behind a bush to see what was happening.</p>
<p>at the edge of the cliff stood a young girl. chaewon. it must be her. there was another girl walking towards her. the girl looked familiar to minju but she couldn't see her face properly.</p>
<p>the other girl appeared to call something which made chaewon turn around to face her. chaewon's face changed to one of confusion and shock.</p>
<p>minju craned her neck trying to hear what the two girls were saying but she couldn't. </p>
<p>minju moved from behind the bushes to look closer at chaewon and the other girl. there were tears in chaewon's eyes and the other girl was shouting. the other was step closer to the chaewon and chaewon was stepping back every time the girl stepped forward.</p>
<p>"this is all your fault," the other girl, who minju still hadn't recognised, shouted. "it should have been you. not her."</p>
<p>minju watched as chaewon reached the very edge of the cliff, panic in her eyes.</p>
<p>minju, seeing how close chaewon was to the edge, knew that if she didn't go help now chaewon would either slip and fall from the cliff or be pushed.</p>
<p>minju jumped up and started to run towards the two girls.</p>
<p>"please, i don't want to die," minju heard chaewon say right before she reached her.</p>
<p>the other girl had a hand on chaewon's shoulder, ready to push her, when minju grabbed chaewon's hand pulling her aside and back from the edge of the cliff.</p>
<p>chaewon looked in shock at minju. "what are you-" but before chaewon could finish speaking something pushed it's way through the two girls causing them both to fall back.</p>
<p>minju looked and saw that it had been the other girl. she now saw who it was. the girl from the café.</p>
<p>"chaewon..." minju said turning back to the damaged girl. "oh my god chaewon."</p>
<p>minju scrambled over to where chaewon had fallen. she was lying on the ground with her eyes closed, she'd hit her head off rocks in the fall. "oh my god oh my god," minju said.</p>
<p>she quickly pulled out her phone and called for an ambulance. she knew from a first aid course that she shouldn't move chaewon from where she was but minju tried to move some of the rocks away.</p>
<p>about five minutes later an ambulance arrived and the paramedics brought chaewon into the ambulance.</p>
<p>for the first time that day minju let the tears escape her eyes.</p>
<p>"chaewon please be okay. i'm sorry," minju whispered as the ambulance drove off.</p>
<p>as the ambulance faded out of view minju realised something. the girl from the café. why had she been here? what was she doing? also where was chaewon's backpack? had the girl taken it? what was going to happen to chaewon?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>chaewon clicked send and let out a sigh. today she'd end it all. all her pain, suffering and loneliness.</p>
<p>'hah,' she thought. wasn't she supposed to be feeling happy? she was finally free. why did she feel guilty and scared.</p>
<p>chaewon turned her phone off and threw it into her backpack. she'd sent hyewon a text, just to tell her best friend that she was going. she'd also said goodbye to eunbi at the cafe just before sending the message.</p>
<p>now she just had to do it.</p>
<p>chaewon took a deep breath and stepped out of her adoptive familys apartment. she hadn't had the courage to say anything to them after everything that they'd done for her. she felt like she was cheating them but she wanted to put an end to this pain.</p>
<p>"goodbye," she whispered.</p>
<p>chaewon closed the door and walked out into the town. she walked past the orphanage, the cafe, her college and many other places.</p>
<p>eventually she arrived at the cliff.</p>
<p>chaewon walked close to the edge and dropped her backpack on the ground. she reached in and grabbed a sheet of paper. her suicide note.</p>
<p>
  <em>hello world. kim chaewon here. i've finally decided to do it. i hope </em>
  <span class="u">
    <em>you're</em>
  </span>
  <em> happy. to everyone who already received a letter from me, i told you so. sorry if i made you guilty. there's no one to blame but myself. i'll be leaving now but i'll meet you again in another life. mrs. and mr. kim, jisoo untie and seungmin-ah, thank you for everything you've done for me the last few years and i'm sorry for not trusting you. this is my final goodbye. kim chaewon.</em>
</p>
<p>chaewon sighed as she finished rereading the note. did she really want this?</p>
<p>"i don't want this," chaewon said, stepping back from the cliff. "i never really did."</p>
<p>"yes, you do," a familiar voice said from behind chaewon.</p>
<p>chaewon turned around and stepped back in shock at who she saw.</p>
<p>"unnie?"</p>
<p>"ugh don't 'unnie' me, chaewon," eunbi said, rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>"what are you doing here?" chaewon said. there was a sense of dread rising within her.</p>
<p>"i'm trying to make sure you do what you said you'll do," eunbi said, her face hard. "obviously you're having some doubts so it's a good thing i came."</p>
<p>"what i don't understand," chaewon said. she was starting to panic now. what did eunbi have to do with any of this.</p>
<p>"i loved her," eunbi said, her voice rising. it sounded deadly. "i loved her and you killed her. now you deserve to die."</p>
<p>"who are you talking about unnie?" chaewon was fighting back tears now.</p>
<p>"chaeyeon," eunbi said. "i loved lee chaeyeon. why did she have to like sakura? why did she care so much about you but never me. i could never get her attention between the two of you and it made me so sick. then she went instead of you and now she's dead. do you have any idea what you did to me?" eunbi was hysterical.</p>
<p>chaewon looked behind her as eunbi stepped closer to her.</p>
<p>"this is all your fault," eunbi shouted. "it should have been you. not her."</p>
<p>"please. i don't want to die," chaewon whispered. she squeezed her eyes shut and braced herself to be pushed off the cliff by eunbi but the push never came.</p>
<p>chaewon opened her eyes in surprise to see herself being pulled away from the cliff by none other than kim minju.</p>
<p>what are you-" but before chaewon could finish speaking she saw eunbi grabbing chaewon's backpack and running through her and minju.</p>
<p>chaewon felt herself being pushed back and then.... darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>minju followed the ambulance to the hospital.</p>
<p>when she arrived she was told that chaewon was undergoing observation before it was decided how serious her head injury was. it wasn't likely that she'd be allowed visitors for quite a while.</p>
<p>a few hours passed eventually and finally visitors were allowed in. minju hesitantly entered chaewon's hospital room.</p>
<p>
  <em>she really was beautiful.</em>
</p>
<p>wait minju stop, she told herself. this girl had just tried to kill herself and minju had saved her.</p>
<p>minju sat in the chair beside the bed. she couldn't help but wonder who'd be here for chaewon to wake up. did she have family? did hyewon know? should minju herself wait?</p>
<p>"who are you?" a voice said, disturbing in just from her thoughts.</p>
<p>"um," minju turned in the direction of the voice to she a boy around her age with an older girl and a middle aged couple. "i'm kim minju."</p>
<p>"you're kim minju?" the boy said.</p>
<p>"seungmin-ah stop talking so disrespectfully," the older girl said. "she's not much younger than you."</p>
<p>"i'm sorry about him," the older girl continued. minju looked closer at all four people and saw how blood shot all of there eyes were and how strained their faces were. "i'm kim jisoo. i'm chaewon's older sister." jisoo's eyes filled with tears again even just saying that.</p>
<p>minju's eyes widened in realisation. <em>kim</em> chaewon. minju knew she was an orphan so she must have been adopted. "i'm so sorry," minju said, standing up quickly. "you must be her family. i'll leave now." minju hurriedly exited the room.</p>
<p>the middle aged man stopped her before she left, "wait." minju turned her attention to him. "you're the one who pulled her back, aren't you?" minju nodded slowly. suddenly the boy, seungmin, wrapped his arms around minju, making her jump.</p>
<p>"thank you for saving my sister," he whispered. minju felt his tears on her shoulder.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>-</p>
</div><p><br/>minju took a deep breath before pushing the door open.</p>
<p>minju saw her as soon as she walked into the cafe. they made eye contact and minju saw the flash of panic that flit through her eyes despite her calm looking composure.</p>
<p>minju walked up the counter, her eyes never leaving the girl. <em>kwon eunbi</em> her badge read.</p>
<p>"what do you want?" eunbi asked, her eyes flitting between minju and the floor.</p>
<p>"turn yourself in," minju said. "now. i don't know why you were there or what exactly you had planned on doing but you almost killed a girl earlier today and i am not going to let you away with that."</p>
<p>eunbi let out a laugh. "i have no idea what you're talking about so please buzz off and mind your own business before i get you kicked out."</p>
<p>minju shrugged. "whatever," she said. "I'm sure you'll tell the police anyway."</p>
<p>"what-" eunbi never got to finish her sentence as two policemen entered the café.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>-</p>
</div><p><br/>the next day minju entered chaewon's hospital room to find it empty.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>*****</b>
  </p>
</div><p><br/>chaewon's eyes flickered open slowly. she groaned as the bright light hit her eyes.</p>
<p>"oh my god chaewon," a familiar voice exclaimed and chaewon was suffocated in hugs.</p>
<p>the events of the earlier day flew into her head and a sob escaped chaewon's lips.</p>
<p>"shushhhh it's okay chae, everything's okay now," jisoo unnie rubbed chaewon's hair as tears fell from her eyes also.</p>
<p>"chae you scared me so much," seungmin choked. "when i woke up and the window was open and you weren't there." seungmin squeezed his eyes shut.</p>
<p>"i'm so sorry," chaewon whispered.</p>
<p>"it's okay baby," mrs. kim said. "everything will get better from now on, we promise we'll do everything to help you."</p>
<p>"eomma-" chaewon surprised herself. "that was the first time in those two years that she'd ever referred to mrs. kim as eomma.</p>
<p>before chaewon could say anything else mr. and mrs. kim both embraced her.</p>
<p>after the hug had ended chaewon looked up to see one more person in the room. "hyewon-"</p>
<p>hyewon also cut chaewon off with a hug. "i'm so so so sorry chaewon," hyewon sobbed. "i was such a shit best friend. i didn't know anything. i didn't know about chaeyeon or eunbi or any of this."</p>
<p>"wait did you say eunbi?" chaewon asked, dread and betrayal rising inside her.</p>
<p>"yes eunbi that little-" hyewon acknowledged the glare from mrs. kim and calmed herself a bit before continuing. "she's been taken in by the guards. she'll get everything that she deserves after putting you through so much."</p>
<p>before chaewon could even take in what hyewon had just said mr. kim cleared his throat.</p>
<p>"chaewon," he said. "we've decided that we're going to move."</p>
<p>chaewon stared at him.</p>
<p>"it'll be a fresh start for all of us," he continued. "we spoke to the college and they said that they can transfer your and seungmin's courses. and jisoo, your eomma and i can all move district in work. what do you think? you can leave all this behind and start again, we can all start again."</p>
<p>chaewon let what mr. kim said sink in. is a fresh start what she needed?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>5 years later</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"chaewonnnnn hurry up," chaewon rolled her eyes at her friends whining.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"wonyoung-ah if you say that one more time i will literally slap you," chaewon scowled.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"well i'm sorry that we don't want to be late," nako glared.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>chaewon blew her fringe from her eyes as she hung up her apron.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"sir, we're finishing up now," she said pointing at herself at her friend and co-worker.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"finallyyyy," wonyoung said. "yuri and i were waiting forever for the two of you you."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>nako scoffed. "it's not my fault chaewon's so slow."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"yah watch your mouth," chaewon said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>the other two girls laughed.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"are you excited for your blind date tonight?" yuri asked. yuri was still going out with yena and yena had even moved town to where yuri was living. it was also the town that chaewon's family had moved to.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>over time yena and chaewon learned to properly forgive and accept each other.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"i mean i guess?" chaewon said with a shrug. "hyewon unnie set it up and she has good taste so hopefully i won't be disappointed."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"hmm true that," wonyoung said.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>chaewon and hyewon were still good friends and met up whenever they could despite living in different towns now. she often visited chaewon so her new friends knew hyewon aswell.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>as for the rest of that group chaewon hadn't seen nor heard from them since, except for sakura who was trying her best to be a better unnie to the younger girl.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"let's go get you ready for that date then!" nako said, dragging chaewon.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>chaewon and her family had moved to their current town the day after chaewon had woke up. chaewon had started getting therapy straight away and her and her siblings had joined the new college.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>it was in college that she met her new friends. chaewon had met nako in her college course as they were both studying the same thing, mental health, and had graduated the same year. she met wonyoung and yuri through nako and the four had become a close group quickly.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>chaewon hadn't forgotten everything that had happened those five years ago but like mr. and mrs. kim had said, the move would be a fresh start and it was.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>hyewon had informed chaewon a few weeks after her move that eunbi had been arrested for multiple crimes. there was evidence of what she had done to chaewon, a phone that's number matched the one that had been threatening and bullying chaewon and chaewon's backpack with her suicide note and <span class="u">no medications</span>. there was also evidence found of eunbi planning to poison someone among other things.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"chaewon.... chaewonnnn... CHAEWON," chaewon snapped out of her thoughts to see her three friends staring at her. she looked around to see they were at their apartment.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"right i have the key," chaewon said opening the door.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"let's get you all dolled up," wonyoung grinned.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>-</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>chaewon stood outside the restaurant and let out a breath. she was extremely nervous and was trying to calm herself down.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>she finally mustered the courage to pull open the door and walk in. she dreaded her breathing as she looked for table twelve.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>she eventually found the table and looked in awe at the beautiful girl sitting at it. the <em>familiar</em> beautiful girl.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>the second the other girl saw chaewon, she jumped up and walked towards her. despite never having been close with her or seeing her in five years, chaewon's arms immediately went around the girls waist and her head to the girls shoulder.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"oh my god it's you," minju whispered. </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>everything from five years ago came rushing back to the two girls in one go.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>that morning when minju had found chaewon's empty hospital room, hyewon had explained everything to her. minju had thought that she'd never see the girl ever again. yet here she was right in front of her.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"you came here for a fresh start," minju said. she pulled away from the hug and sat back down in her chair. "let's meet all over again. and get to know each other properly this time." she smiled brightly at chaewon.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"hi i'm kim minju, it's nice to meet you." chaewon returned minju's bright smiled. it was as if something had suddenly just clicked in her and for the first time everything felt right.</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"i'm kim chaewon."</p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>
      <span class="u">THE END</span>
    </b>
  </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>